This evening, I am worlds apart from the emotional high of finalizing the adoption. My jitters today are not joy but instead worry. My heart is full - filled to the brim with pain for my kiddos for all the heartaches that even time can't completely erase. My mind is reliving today's tantrums and dreading the next - and wondering when "This is forever. I promise." will be enough.
Parenting is hard. Parenting kids from tough places, who have "lived" more in their short little lives than I will in my lifetime... It's unexplainable. Unimaginable, until you've lived it.
Venting on FB has never been my thing, but in the past several years I've realized that adoption (particularly through foster care) has a pretty negative stigma attached to it -- and there's an awful lot of ignorance about adoption out there too. From the belief that I am somehow less of a mom because my kids are all adopted to the fear that kids in foster care have "too many problems" and "aren't worth the trouble"... I've heard it all and am continually blown away.
So, I'm determined to change my little corner of the world. Even if that means long FB rants
Life right now... It's hard. I knew going in that it would be, and I can honestly say that nothing surprises me at this point. But guys, it's hard. My kids are hurting and there is nothing. I. can. do. about. it. Oh sure, there are lots of temporary fixes, and we are working on long-term solutions... But I can't change the past, and that's really the only thing that would "fix it" completely right now. My kids know I love them though -- and that is exactly what inspires them to scream "I HATE YOU!" and "I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE! I'M LEAVING!" We hurt the people who love us most & who we love most -- and my kiddos are no exception to that rule.
But how would YOU act if the world taught you to hate because any love you give is always thrown back in your face?
My kids are hurting. Kids in foster care are hurting. Every hateful word, every temper tantrum, every anger-filled rage -- they're cries for love, for promises of forever, for proof that today's mistakes won't destroy hope of a better tomorrow.
My kids deserve love. They want to be loved. Remembering that is...easier sometimes than others. Whoever said loving is easy needs to come talk to me. IT'S NOT. But my kids are worth it. Heck, I'd walk through fire for them. It just so happens that they're making me prove my dedication right now
but doesn't every child deserve to know that?
If you're still reading this, I hope you will one day consider foster care or adoption. It's hard. Scary sometimes, even. But if not us, who? Who will teach these kids what love is? Who will teach that hate destroys but love - true, unconditional love - makes us whole?
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